Today was Grant's first school program.

I was so excited to see him sing.

All I'd managed to get out of him was that they were going to sing “itsy bitsy spider.”

I wasn't fool enough to think that HE would be singing... I can't get him to sing along with me at home except on very very rare occasions.

Now, strike one against me as “cool preschool mom” was that I did not send him to school in his costume. He's on an antibiotic and has the diapers and conjoining diaper rash to prove it. We had just cleared up one painful rash... and with his costume being a bit difficult to pull on and off... I wasn't about to tempt fate that he'd be a giraffe with a diaper full of burning poop for several hours.

So... at 11am Grandma, Andy and I showed up at Grant's preschool... giraffe costume in hand. I went to the classroom to put on his costume. The tears started immediately. The clinging on to mom started immediately. All I could think was “this child is sick again” because he was crying so hard and clinging so much. Bracing myself mentally for the onslaught of the heinous pig flu... Grandma Willis, Andy and I headed to the gym for the program... leaving a sobbing, inconsolable Grant behind.

When the two-year-olds filed into the gym... mine was the one being carried by the teacher. Yep. That's my child. He was still sobbing.

Eventually the teacher needed to set things up for the program so... Grant came to me... still crying.

He sat on my lap and cried THE.ENTIRE.PROGRAM.

Yep.

I'm that mom.

Now, it's not like the other children were singing along and playing and everything. Though one little boy did every single hand motion for every song. Very impressive!

But mine was the only one who sat in mom's lap and cried the whole time.

Priceless.

Of course – as soon as they sang the four songs it was snack time.

Grant hopped off my lap.. ran over to the table... and happily ate his cookie... with a fork.

He's not sick...

so the pig flu may still get us (unless it already has).

Two weeks since my last blog...

and yes, I'm just now getting a chance to sit down and write about what we've got going on.

Let's see...

Drew & Grant went to Drew's cousin's wedding in San Diego last weekend.

They both came back terribly sick. Not the flu – no fever – just sinus headaches and stuffiness. Now Andy & I are sick. Grant is on an antibiotic that gives him explosive diarrhea. That's been fun. Drew is doing the very best he can to help me as Andy is up nursing almost every hour of the night. They tell you to “sleep when the baby sleeps” but this baby sleeps when Grant is just getting up. Doesn't really work out in my favor... and my new cold adds a special note of misery.

I'm all sunshine and rainbows right now, huh?

These are the times that really bring our little family together. It's Drew & me working as a team to just survive these first few weeks... until Andy starts sleeping better in the night and Grant starts to understand that we love him just as much, if not more than we did before Andy was born.

Andy is my special little buddy. He's outside my body but still almost completely attached. He likes to sleep on my chest and by 4am I'm too tired to fight him. I'm breastfeeding and that's been a challenge. There's something so loving and wonderful about providing this for my kids... but there's also that desire to say “I'm just going to sleep... it's your turn.” I've pumped some bottles but that supply is currently exhausted. Andy has a 6^th sense about knowing when I've taken off my glasses and gone horizontal. As soon as he feels me relax... he starts crying unless he's on top of me.

Thanks to my new “no sleep” diet, I'm addicted to netflix. I'm obsessed with our queue and LOVE the on-demand netflix stuff. Thanks to Katy (who came to stay with me while Drew was in San Diego as I still cannot lift, etc) I now am a fan of 30 Rock. I really wanted to hate that show because of Alec Baldwin. Nope. It's hilarious.

I'm, of course, addicted to Top Chef. So far, I'd say this is the best season ever. My favorite is Kevin though I think that Jen will win because she's a girl and it's time for another girl to win. I don't care one bit for the smug brothers who deconstruct food. I get that they're talented and creative. The food probably tastes wonderful. For me though, they have the attitude of the popular guys in high school who make fun of everyone else, look down on everyone else and get to decide who else wears the “cool” title. Grow up Voltaggio brothers.

“The Office” wedding was the best hour of TV I've seen in a long time. My mom & I watched it ad nauseum while she was here. Sweetest love story ever. Love it. Love not having anxiety about the outcome. Love just happy stuff. I don't do sad or scary or suspenseful anymore. Just fun.

So that's really it from here.

So much going on and yet most days and nights are the same.

So we've had a week (and a day) with Andy on the outside and it's been wonderful. Recovering from the c-section has been much easier this time around, probably because aside from being extremely tired, I was perfectly healthy going into the surgery. My stay at the hospital was relatively unremarkable. I did have one nurse who was a complete wench. I was also relegated to the “calorie-restricted diabetic diet” for some reason. Doesn't make any sense as my diabetes was GESTATIONAL and I was no longer GESTATING. Wench nurse was involved in that fiasco. It wasn't until Sunday during doctor rounds that I was finally able to get someone to listen. Not that I wanted the hospital “cuisine' but they were trying to inject me with insulin for a blood sugar of 139 which is perfectly normal for a non-diabetic person. It was insane. Anyway, the doctor finally listened to me and took that crap off my chart and I was able to eat and then, magically, my breastfeeding picked right up. Funny how you NEED EXTRA CALORIES to breastfeed... ugh.... reliving the nightmare that was Saturday. Without getting into to all... I'll leave it with wench nurse and an entire hospital with no hot water. I was less than impressed.

Anyway, we got home on Monday afternoon.

I get tired pretty easily.

My incision hurts and itches.

Andy is an excellent sleeper so far though... and a breastfeeding champion. I seem to recall that Grant was a lot more difficult in his first week home, but I don't know if he was really more difficult or if I was just weaker or inexperienced or a combination of all three.

Having my mom here was a real treat. She left this morning and I cried like a little girl. We have such a great time together and she was so helpful. We also watched “The Office Wedding” about five times. Did you see it? 100% comfort tv. I'm sure that by the end of this week I'll have watched it so many times my own DVR will roll its non-existent eyes when I click on “restart' AGAIN.

My dad also came for a few days this week (he left this morning with my mom). He feels a real connection to Andy and he and Grant had a great time playing at Grant's new train table (The table was a “gift” from Andy to Grant... it's a big hit).

Grant is doing the best he can to cope with the changes. He's fascinated with Andy and loves to see him and touch him and hold his hand. He doesn't like the sudden appearance of new restrictions on throwing things and having to be quiet while the baby is sleeping. He also doesn't like that I can't pick him up. He's out of sorts... and I hope for his sake we all settle into the “new normal” quickly.

Drew hasn't been home much. He took advantage of my parents being here to get some extra work done so that he can stay home with me more this coming week. I can't drive until Friday... and can't lift anything heavier than Andy for the next three weeks so I really need to have help around as much as possible. My sister will be here next weekend while Drew & Grant head to a family wedding in California. Drew's mom will be here in a couple of weeks and that's it as far as visitors go (that we know of).

I'm back to wearing non -maternity clothes. Hooray. My shirts are a bit iffy as my boobs are bigger than normal and I have a lot of loose skin. That should go away pretty soon too though.

I've uploaded a TON of pictures to our gallery... click here to see them.

Andrew's birth story

I got up around 4;30 am.. after a very restless night's “sleep.” Knowing the exact time you're going to give birth is really unnatural to me... the element of surprise makes things a lot easier. I showered, got together a few last minute things... we headed out around 5:45am. We got to the hospital... where they had a room all ready for us. Again, it felt so unnatural. My gown and Drew's scrubs were all laid out waiting. We did our pre-op stuff... including getting 3 bags of fluid (I felt really woozy from this, probably because they pumped the fluids in super fast). My mom (Granny) got here just before 8am. I went back for the c-section around 8:15 or so. I walked into the OR... again... so strange.

The OR was cold and the lights were blazing.

My heart rate was around 120... I know this because of the heart-rate monitor I wore... racing heart due to nerves I suppose.

Childbirth by appointment... so bizarre.

Time for my spinal... when I had Grant... I had an epidural. Getting the epidural was so simple and painless. Getting the spinal hurt, plain and simple. The anesthesiologist couldn't find the right spot in my spinal cord and kept hitting bone... sending shooting pains up and down my spine. Easily the most painful thing I've had done to me. Easily. I keep thinking there will have to be consequences from this spinal... pain or headache or something. She finally found the right spot and almost instantly my feet went numb. I had just enough time to swing them around onto the OR table. The numbness spread very very rapidly. I suddenly had no idea whether my legs were up or down. Then I couldn't feel myself breathing. I checked with the Nurse Anesthetist and he assured my my oxygen sats were fine, I just couldn't feel my diaphragm as it moved with each breath. I think this must be what drowning feels like... only I wasn't drowning.

Next I saw the doctor performing my c-section.

He said “hey, it's time.”

I said “okay, let's do it.”

The next face I saw was Drew's. He was excited and concerned... Wearing his scrubs... so so happy that the circumstances this time around did not involved the doctor pulling him aide to let him know I might not make it through the surgery.

The next thing I know... I smell burning.

I ask if I'm on fire and the O.R erupts in laughter.

They must have been cauterizing something in me.

Very very strange indeed.

I don't even realize that they've started cutting and the next thing I know... everyone is telling me “lots of pressure” and Drew is brought over so he can get a picture of the actual birth.

What they told me would be a lot of pressure was actually not a big deal at all... more like a relief from the pressure as the baby was finally not pushing on my lungs.

A flurry of movement and Andrew Walker Willis was born at 8:56am.

He looked amazing.

8lbs 6oz 21 inches long.

For anyone who cares his agpars were 9 and 9.

I start sobbing.

Drew is clicking away with the camera at my request.

I am marveling at his size. I am 39.5 weeks pregnant... just 3 days away from full term... AND have insulin dependent gestational diabetes. I've been pregnant longer than they recommend someone with that condition be allowed remain pregnant... I delayed for the mystical VBAC... hopes to avoid this spinal nonsense. Grant was 7lbs 9oz when he was born at 37 weeks 0 days. Andrew was born 2.5 weeks later at 39 weeks 3 days and was less than a pound heaver and a full inch and a half longer. I figured he would be 9+ pounds for sure. Of course, people keep saying “oh he's a big chink.” but A) people say stuff because they don't know what to say and B) people just don't know what constitutes a “big” baby. Andrew's size is perfectly healthy and I worked really hard to have him be born under 9lbs as a full-termer.

But I digress.

They finish us up... Andrew is in the OR with us the whole time. No NICU trip for this little guy! (Grant was whisked away to the NICU quickly and we didn't see him for several hours). Once I was put back together... off we go to the recovery area... and Andrew is with us! I got to hold him and breastfeed him within the first hour of his life! What a treat!! I had to stay in recovery for an hour. It was a slow hour... but Drew was with me and all we could do was look at Andrew and be amazed that after all of these weeks of anticipation and sickness... here he was as perfect as could be. At some point my mom came back and got to see him. We gave her the stats and she ran back to our room to start making phone calls.

They wheeled me and Andrew (Drew walked) back to my room by 10am. My vital signs were (and remain) perfectly stable. For the first time, I'm not the most exciting medical case on the floor. We spend the next six hours staring at Andrew... passing him around between the three of us. I tried to doze when I could but was pretty keyed up so sleep was rather elusive. My blood sugars were back to normal... even after drinking regular ginger ale (I have not had a regular coke as of yet... it honestly doesn't sound good and I'm pretty afraid of the gas it will bring).

Andrew is a champion breast-feeder. He latches like a champ and eats just about every two hours or so.

So far, his personality is just what we expected... really really laid back. He loves me already and calms down as soon as he's in my arms, which I love.

He's a champion pooper... six dirty diapers in the first 18 hours of life.

Drew & I are completely smitten. We, of course, think he's beautiful and amazing.

Our first night together with Andrew on the outside was a lot like Andrew being on the inside. He was awake at 11 and ate. They took him to the nursery until 2am. I fed him from 2am until 3:15 (!!) then they took him back to the nursery until 5:45... time for the nurses in the nursery to work on shift change stuff. He was still sleeping when they took him away around 6:45 for his circumcision and now, at 7:30 we're just waiting for him to come back. He'll be really hungry and cranky, I'm sure.

I am still exhausted... and very very very sore. I'm sad that I'll never VBAC but at peace with knowing I did everything I could do to make it happen.

Enjoy some pictures of our sweetie.