It's early in the morning when I write this. A wonderful rain is
falling and we can hear it outside our open windows. It's finally
cool enhough that we don't need an air conditioner. Those A/Cs
rob us of all character in the summer, but it is nice to be able to
sleep in a cool room. It's a big fat wedding weekend for us and I
mostly just want the whole thing over with so we can go on
vacation. Maybe I'll bring a computer with us so I can update the
blog and you can know where we are!
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One month from today I will be a married woman. How strange is
that. You know, as a kid, getting married was this sort of
all-consuming goal. I remember being 12 years old and planning my
wedding stuff. I picked out dresses and even bridesmaid
dresses. I wrote lists of my ideal husband. I planned what
I wanted at my wedding reception. And a lot about me has changed
since that day. I've learned a lot about myself and the world and
living life. Not that I know it all mind you. I've just
grown as a person. Before, marriage was the end
goal. It was the "happily ever after." I never considered
mortgages or work or my husband doing things that bugged me. I
thought the hard part would be finding the right man and then living
that idyllic life with him would be just coasting. Of course, I'm
not such an idiot any more. Now I view marriage as a life-long
committment to make a life with someone. It's a decision to be
married. I'm still not sure how I feel about
fate and destiny. But I do know that I knew before Drew and I
even started dating that we would be married. In fact, I remember
the point when I realized it and I told one of my friends. At the
time, I wasn't anxious (totally uncharacteristic) or nervous. I
had a sense of calm just knowing it would happen. Now here we are
a month away from it actually happening and I am very ready.
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Have you watched the new show "How Clean is Your
House?" It's a new show on Lifetime where these
British ladies go into these filthy homes and berate the owners then
clean things up. Now when I say they go in filthy homes, I don't
think you understand how filthy these homes actually are. I've
seen two shows total. I puked watching the first one.
Yesterday I just gagged and dry heaved. The girl yesterday had
milk in her refrigerator from February 2003 or something. Her cat
had a vomiting problem in that she puked all over the place and the
owner NEVER cleaned it up. And the litter box hadn't been changed
in months. There was pooh everywhere.
Literally, everywhere, including the girl's bed. How do you get
to that point in your life? Where the filth in your own home
makes a stranger seeing it on TV gag? Where do people go
wrong? After the cat vomits the first time, is that when you
decide you don't need to clean it up? Or do you decide at the
20th time? Oh, and the vet said the reason the cat vomits all the
time is because the litter box is full so the cat refuses to make the
poop, it just comes out the other way. And even nastier... the
carpet cleaning people sucked out 40 GALLONS of cat puke and pooh and
pee from the carpet. No really, 40 GALLONS. Why do I watch
the show? Because my apartment is cleaner than it's ever
been!
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It's strange when you see someone's humanity. I'm not talking
about when you see them or even when you see them cry or laugh or
talk. Those tings happen and you notice them or don't notice
them, but rarely do you see them as a person. Today I saw someone
walking down the hall. She's a woman that not a lot of people
like. But she was walking down the hall sort of alone, at least,
she didn't know I was there, and she was singing. Just sort of
humming... softly... cheerfully. And suddenly, she wasn't a
monster. She was just a woman who liked her job and was humming
at the end of the day.
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I LOVE your blog!!! Keep it coming.
Sounds wonderful at your house. I ...
It certainly sounds like you are enjo...
I UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!
Thank you Julianna... what big shoes ...